My high school love (DJ) and I became reacquainted after my last blog (perhaps that is why I haven't returned???)...and my life has literally changed.
No intentions, other than to reach out, like I always do to those that touch my heart either on a friendly or an even-friendlier basis. All I did was email him after I located an email address one day.
Hey DJ! I just thought I'd send you a little note. I hope all is well with you and your darling family! Perhaps we can catch up in cyberspace sometime. :-)
He immediately emailed back.
Wow! :-)
I am so glad you found me, I have thought about you and how you are doing for years now. I have so much to talk to you about. You are a very special person and I do miss you.
My life has been full of high's and low's, but I am still the same old crazy fun guy. Just with a beer belly, lol. The same as I looked 10 years ago.
Are you married still? Do you have any Kids? How is your health? Do you still have a smile that lights up any room? Soooooooo many questions. Can I call you? Do you want to call me? Is it ok for us to do that? See full of questions. I wish that I can give you a big hug..............life is too short to not express one's true thought. Don't you think?
Ok, I will settle down, my cheerful expression is drawing attention to me at work here. Hehehehe.
I would love to keep in touch with you!
Can't wait to here from you. Should this be descrete?
Hope you are well!
I was completely blown away with his initial reaction to my email, his initial response. I didn't expect such excitement, so I became quite intrigued and excited myself, the same familiar feeling that I used to have for him 20 years ago.
At first we talked about all the niceties and about all the things on which we wanted to catch up.
And then I felt that it was time to answer that question, "Should this be discreet?"
I'll answer that question in my next blog.
Until then, live, laugh, and most importantly, love.
Polly
Friday, January 16, 2009
Thursday, November 13, 2008
My Very First Blog
My first step, my first plunge...I'm walking into the abyss, the unknown, and risking everything. And I love it!
I have been wanting to blog for a few years now, knowing that expressing myself through writing is one of the best ways I learn about myself and bring clarity into my life. I love to write, express myself far better in the written word than that of spoken, and at the same time loathe the time it takes to write in a diary or journal.
Presently, I am at a point in my life that absolutely demands I organize my thoughts AND reach out to others who are just like me. I know you are out there, living like I do, sometimes elated, sometimes down in the depths, sometimes scared to death, and sometimes more bold and courageous than anyone you know. I haven't met you yet...and maybe you aren't exactly like me...but I am hoping to connect with people of like minds and lifestyle.
I'm a perfectionist (for way more information than you need to know about me, keep reading) and feel inclined to communicate with you in the very best way, in the very best blog setting, and with the very best content (not to mention using perfect grammar and spelling). But if I keep waiting for all that to magically appear, you will never hear from me and I will never hear from you and I will continue to implode with all of who I am because I never released it. So, to keep that gross occurence from happening, I have decided to put myself out there, blog my "stuff," and meet people like me in the process. Sound fair enough? Yikes...and I most likely will hear from those who aren't like me...and that is just fine too.
Where to begin? Well, to keep this shorter than the pages that I could potentially write (I tried), I'll just bullet an About Me. BTW, this is how I categorize my life when I think of who I am. I always have done this abstractly, in my head, ever since I was a child. Yea, some of you may think I'm a bit too analytical, an over-thinker, too intense. And all I gotta say to that is, "Yep, you are right!"
Woman in Me
Deep thinker, bored with surface chit chat, striving towards an alignment with my personality and who I really am on the inside, addicted to caffeine, intensity, and cereal at 3 pm, love my eyes, boobs, and curves, but loathe my jiggly abdomen, teeth, and the fact that I can't grow my hair longer than my shoulders, love to be pampered with anything relaxing and hate to be cold and tired, very sensual, sexual, intense, courageous, and resilient and at the same time suffer from a very poor self- and body-image, anxiety, and fear of abandonment.
Wife in Me
I have been with my husband for 21 years, married for 17. I'm 38, he's 39. He is my high school sweetheart and really is the only one on this planet who knows me on a very deep level. We have raised each other, are friends and lovers equally, and tend to occasionally fall into a mother/son dynamic because I'm the household manager in terms of the cleaning, bill-paying, calendar keeper, and the like...though not by choice. I have always been madly in love with him. I am in awe of his wisdom, guidance, depth of understanding, communication/listening skills, his fatherhood, and his huge capacity to love me and others in his life. He, a Scorpio, and I, a Pisces, makes for amazingly passionate, gentle, and expressive sex that also manifests into our relationship. We are opposites, he the spontaneous artist, musician, creative, braniac soul, and me the practical, organized, controlling people-person. We have been practicing a polyamorous lifestyle for over five years. He has had a long-term girlfriend whom I respect and have befriended and I have a boyfriend of just over a year. It is an extraordinary opportunity for both of us to share our love for each other and for other people. I suspect much of my blog will be to reach out to those of you who are poly as well.
Lover in Me
I have been "poly" as long as I can remember, much like I hear my G&L friends discuss the same about their sexual orientation...and often times I can relate so much to their stories of fear of being different, not accepted, coming out, being ridiculed, etc. I am closeted as only my husband, lovers, therapist/group, and closest friends know the "real" me. I am getting closer to being comfortable with the world knowing all of who I am, but I'm not ready yet. I'm afraid for my child, for my future, for my husband's future, afraid to lose my life that I have even though I know my true friendships and happiness can only come from being real. I am in love with my husband and with KJ, enjoy friendships and sexual experiences with others who come in and out of my life on occasion, and am unexplainably grateful to be able to live my life in such a way. It is so very difficult with jealously, scheduling, being real in conversation with the world, dealing with all the personal issues that arise, but at the same time, I am free to be me, seek experiences that I want, and love in many varied kinds of ways. It is a beautiful thing.
Mother in Me
My eyes surly light up when my young daughter walks into the room. I cannot describe the love I have for her. I am positive it is because she is her father and she is me, but she is also her own being. It is so different than anything I have felt before...and I have loved all my life. She is so much of my life. I am sure I will blog about my experiences, some wonderful and some challenging, about my darling child. I especially want you to see how I can live an alternative lifestyle and be a loving mother and wife...and I want to meet those of you who are doing the same exact thing. She's too young to know or understand, but there will certainly come a day.
Girlfriend in Me
I have created my family of choice, mainly because our families are not local. But also because I have found that my friends know more about me, accept me, and suspend their judgment of me more than my family does or could for that matter. I surround myself with loving friends who support me and fulfill that space in my heart that only girlfriends can fill. We enjoy frequent Girls Nights Out (GNOs), scrapbooking weekends, get-away weekends, weekly dinners, drink and dance evenings, and talks. I absolutely cherish each of them for who they are and what they bring into my life, although each one of them is different and different from me. They do not practice my lifestyle, some do not have the same fundamental beliefs, some think I'm a little crazy although they love my stories. All in all, we are sisters and we truly care for one another. I am also truly grateful for their acceptance of me and their mentorship in my life.
Daughter in Me
My early years don't conjure up great memories, but I am grateful for all that those great challenges taught me and the wonderful rescuers and mentors it brought into my life. At the risk of sounding like a whiner or complainer, I also want you to know about my background because sometimes I believe the way I look at the world today was directly shaped by my past experiences...and perhaps we can support each other through the tragedies that we have faced. I am the only child of alcoholics and an addict, parents divorced when I was two years old, witnessed domestic abuse in my family time and time again, suffered frequent sexual abuse until my freshman year in high school, raised my younger half-brother until we went into foster care, and escaped it all when I would distract myself and others from my homelife by over-achieving and becoming the straight-A student at school.
Has all this caused me to lead such a different lifestyle? Maybe. It has also caused me to be ultra introspective and take great delight in creating a very different life for myself and my family. And I believe I've done just that.
So, there. I've written my first blog. Not too concerned with any of the perfections...but am very excited about the possibilities of writing my way through my day and making connections with the world at large!
Live, laugh, and most importantly, love...
Polly
I have been wanting to blog for a few years now, knowing that expressing myself through writing is one of the best ways I learn about myself and bring clarity into my life. I love to write, express myself far better in the written word than that of spoken, and at the same time loathe the time it takes to write in a diary or journal.
Presently, I am at a point in my life that absolutely demands I organize my thoughts AND reach out to others who are just like me. I know you are out there, living like I do, sometimes elated, sometimes down in the depths, sometimes scared to death, and sometimes more bold and courageous than anyone you know. I haven't met you yet...and maybe you aren't exactly like me...but I am hoping to connect with people of like minds and lifestyle.
I'm a perfectionist (for way more information than you need to know about me, keep reading) and feel inclined to communicate with you in the very best way, in the very best blog setting, and with the very best content (not to mention using perfect grammar and spelling). But if I keep waiting for all that to magically appear, you will never hear from me and I will never hear from you and I will continue to implode with all of who I am because I never released it. So, to keep that gross occurence from happening, I have decided to put myself out there, blog my "stuff," and meet people like me in the process. Sound fair enough? Yikes...and I most likely will hear from those who aren't like me...and that is just fine too.
Where to begin? Well, to keep this shorter than the pages that I could potentially write (I tried), I'll just bullet an About Me. BTW, this is how I categorize my life when I think of who I am. I always have done this abstractly, in my head, ever since I was a child. Yea, some of you may think I'm a bit too analytical, an over-thinker, too intense. And all I gotta say to that is, "Yep, you are right!"
Woman in Me
Deep thinker, bored with surface chit chat, striving towards an alignment with my personality and who I really am on the inside, addicted to caffeine, intensity, and cereal at 3 pm, love my eyes, boobs, and curves, but loathe my jiggly abdomen, teeth, and the fact that I can't grow my hair longer than my shoulders, love to be pampered with anything relaxing and hate to be cold and tired, very sensual, sexual, intense, courageous, and resilient and at the same time suffer from a very poor self- and body-image, anxiety, and fear of abandonment.
Wife in Me
I have been with my husband for 21 years, married for 17. I'm 38, he's 39. He is my high school sweetheart and really is the only one on this planet who knows me on a very deep level. We have raised each other, are friends and lovers equally, and tend to occasionally fall into a mother/son dynamic because I'm the household manager in terms of the cleaning, bill-paying, calendar keeper, and the like...though not by choice. I have always been madly in love with him. I am in awe of his wisdom, guidance, depth of understanding, communication/listening skills, his fatherhood, and his huge capacity to love me and others in his life. He, a Scorpio, and I, a Pisces, makes for amazingly passionate, gentle, and expressive sex that also manifests into our relationship. We are opposites, he the spontaneous artist, musician, creative, braniac soul, and me the practical, organized, controlling people-person. We have been practicing a polyamorous lifestyle for over five years. He has had a long-term girlfriend whom I respect and have befriended and I have a boyfriend of just over a year. It is an extraordinary opportunity for both of us to share our love for each other and for other people. I suspect much of my blog will be to reach out to those of you who are poly as well.
Lover in Me
I have been "poly" as long as I can remember, much like I hear my G&L friends discuss the same about their sexual orientation...and often times I can relate so much to their stories of fear of being different, not accepted, coming out, being ridiculed, etc. I am closeted as only my husband, lovers, therapist/group, and closest friends know the "real" me. I am getting closer to being comfortable with the world knowing all of who I am, but I'm not ready yet. I'm afraid for my child, for my future, for my husband's future, afraid to lose my life that I have even though I know my true friendships and happiness can only come from being real. I am in love with my husband and with KJ, enjoy friendships and sexual experiences with others who come in and out of my life on occasion, and am unexplainably grateful to be able to live my life in such a way. It is so very difficult with jealously, scheduling, being real in conversation with the world, dealing with all the personal issues that arise, but at the same time, I am free to be me, seek experiences that I want, and love in many varied kinds of ways. It is a beautiful thing.
Mother in Me
My eyes surly light up when my young daughter walks into the room. I cannot describe the love I have for her. I am positive it is because she is her father and she is me, but she is also her own being. It is so different than anything I have felt before...and I have loved all my life. She is so much of my life. I am sure I will blog about my experiences, some wonderful and some challenging, about my darling child. I especially want you to see how I can live an alternative lifestyle and be a loving mother and wife...and I want to meet those of you who are doing the same exact thing. She's too young to know or understand, but there will certainly come a day.
Girlfriend in Me
I have created my family of choice, mainly because our families are not local. But also because I have found that my friends know more about me, accept me, and suspend their judgment of me more than my family does or could for that matter. I surround myself with loving friends who support me and fulfill that space in my heart that only girlfriends can fill. We enjoy frequent Girls Nights Out (GNOs), scrapbooking weekends, get-away weekends, weekly dinners, drink and dance evenings, and talks. I absolutely cherish each of them for who they are and what they bring into my life, although each one of them is different and different from me. They do not practice my lifestyle, some do not have the same fundamental beliefs, some think I'm a little crazy although they love my stories. All in all, we are sisters and we truly care for one another. I am also truly grateful for their acceptance of me and their mentorship in my life.
Daughter in Me
My early years don't conjure up great memories, but I am grateful for all that those great challenges taught me and the wonderful rescuers and mentors it brought into my life. At the risk of sounding like a whiner or complainer, I also want you to know about my background because sometimes I believe the way I look at the world today was directly shaped by my past experiences...and perhaps we can support each other through the tragedies that we have faced. I am the only child of alcoholics and an addict, parents divorced when I was two years old, witnessed domestic abuse in my family time and time again, suffered frequent sexual abuse until my freshman year in high school, raised my younger half-brother until we went into foster care, and escaped it all when I would distract myself and others from my homelife by over-achieving and becoming the straight-A student at school.
Has all this caused me to lead such a different lifestyle? Maybe. It has also caused me to be ultra introspective and take great delight in creating a very different life for myself and my family. And I believe I've done just that.
So, there. I've written my first blog. Not too concerned with any of the perfections...but am very excited about the possibilities of writing my way through my day and making connections with the world at large!
Live, laugh, and most importantly, love...
Polly
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